The apartment was fabulous. The old-timey kind with the high ceilings and the old, real wooden floors. Within walking distance to Central Park and just a subway stop or two away from the amazing features of the city- the shopping, the tourists, and the delicious foods. I was so incredibly lucky. What kind of a 22-year-old gets to just up and move to one of the largest cities in the world pretty much on her own and with the promise of a job? Only a dream for many.
I spent my days working and my nights attempting to familiarize myself with the city. From museums to walking on the Highline, I wanted to experience it all and for the most part, with absolutely no money in my pocket. When my first job did not work out, I easily found a replacement at a different non-profit and simultaneously worked selling cupcakes and coffee to the Upper West Siders at Crumbs. What more could a girl want?
But this feeling of not being where I was supposed to be was something I just simply could not let go. "Carrie, BE HAPPY," I told myself in the mirror each morning before heading to work. But inside I felt selfish and insecure. I knew that if I gave in and gave up that I would forever have FAILURE stamped across my forehead, though I am not sure who I was trying to prove myself to-- friends or myself?
After much discussion with my roommates in NYC and nights of tearful conversations with my parents, I applied to graduate school on a whim. "Oh, you'll never get in," my brain screamed at me. "Barely a year of work experience AND you failed living on your own. Pshh!"
And then it happened. Like a puzzle, everything fell completely into place. Within 2 weeks of my submission of my application to Appalachian State University's MBA program, I got the acceptance letter. A few days later and some connections from friends, I had an apartment and a roommate.
I stopped for a moment. How could something be so easy for once?
Two big moves (from NYC to Kinston and from Kinston to Boone), one knee surgery, eighteen physical therapy treatments, one meeting of a brand-new, wonderful roommate, three attempts at finding a sublet in NYC and give or take twenty glasses of wine later, I am moved in to my beautiful apartment in Boone.
As I drove up to this small, mountainous town for the first time, my eyes again filled with tears. This time, they were happy ones.
It's been a while since I have blogged and I think most of it had to do with the fact that I truly wasn't sure what to say. And I wasn't sure any of it would sound happy. But I've learned, life isn't always going to be roses and it's OKAY.
My one year anniversary of graduating came and went and there were so many things I wanted to say to the new graduates. As cliche as it might sound, follow your gut instincts. Trust yourself and most importantly, love yourself. Never doubt your ability or your feelings. LEARN from every experience. CHALLENGE yourself.
While I may not walk into the Walker College of Business on Tuesday (my first day of graduate school) with much work experience, I am walking into that classroom with an experience that taught me more than any job ever could. For once, I am able to say that I am stronger, more confident, and more assertive thanks to New York City.
In the words of my favorite band, Mumford & Sons, "Keep the earth below my feet. For all my sweat, my blood runs weak. Let me learn from where I have been. Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn."
