trust your heart if the seas catch fire

fact: ee cummings never capitalized anything, not even his name.

in one of his most famous poems, cummings wrote one of my favorite quotes. he said, “trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backwards.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

this week flew by. it was an absolute whirlwind. but tonight brought me safely back to where i needed to be. i babysat for the first time in a long time and i was so thankful for those few hours i got to spend with three amazing kids. they reminded me of what it was like to have fun and to be carefree! to dance around like nobody’s business and to sing the ketchup song (coming to a music store near you).

my lyrics were something like, “do da ketchup (squirt it on your plate). do-do-do-do. do da ketchup.” we expanded the song to, “do da ostrich (pretend to stick head in sand). do-do-do-do. do da ostrich.”

 

to belt adele’s “someone like you” like you were singing for a crowd of 10 million.

she’s totally in that performance stage where all she wants to do is show you dances she’s created. i went through that stage once. i think i might still be going through it, actually. #ham

(she judged me for my knowledge of any-song justin bieber. sorry, i have the fever, girlfran.)

to remember how hungry hippos can get, by gollee!

or to remember how exactly the tooth fairy makes her appearances
(just a quarter underneath the pillow)
(oh, and the tooth fairy likes to listen to his johnny cash CD. her favorite is “ring of fire”—track 8.)

in which the little one cried, “now take a pictcha of my teef!”

anyways, they’re all tucked in bed. we thoroughly destroyed the house and got absolutely all of our energies out. but i cleaned up and the dishwasher is humming away. i’m sitting here, beside a tuckered-out dog, and it’s nice and quiet. perfect for reflecting (especially because there’s no internet to e-mail away!)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

this week’s been harder than usual. not because i’ve been busy, because, let’s be real, we are all busy. but this week, i’ve had a hard time trusting myself. trusting myself to know that deep down that i am capable of making good decisions and capable of knowing what to do. trusting myself to know that i am capable of choosing the right people to be in my life. capable of giving my 100% to everything and everyone. i am my own worst critic, you see?

nevertheless, the week drove on. quickly, i might add.

we went from painting banners…

(thank you maris, marli, and sonya for making them look beautiful!)

to planning our newest event, kids4kids, for saturday, february 4th

to stuffing our faces with ice cream. well, i held out, but a few others got down…

to raising money at the NCSU/UNC game…

to stuffing letters with the funniest girl I know

to sending e-mails like it’s 1989…

to spreading the word in hopes of reaching my fundraising goal…

it’s been a crazy week and that’s only the short list.

however, it’s been wonderful and rewarding and although there were definitely nights where all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and turn out the light and say, “see ya in the a.m. world,” i refrained in order to accomplish what needed to be done. to joyfully cross things off the list and calendar.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~*

tonight felt good to be silly. to act like an eight-year-old and laugh out loud whenever anyone farted or said things like, “we are having pizza with our chicken nuggets, right?!”

why, of course we are having pizza with our chicken nuggets.

i can’t believe that it didn’t cross my mind.

it was fun to make up rules to bingo with a two-year-old.

it felt good to not feel like i needed to capitalize tonight.

unconventional. me likey.

…trust your heart
if the seas catch fire
(and live by love
though the stars walk backward) 
honor the past
but welcome the future…

-- ee cummings, dive for dreams

cheers until another day,

carrie

 

Motivation Down by the River

Today was eerie.

The brightest light shining all day was that of the lamp outside my door.  

It was cold and misty. And not once did the sun peep through the heavy blanket of clouds to holler at us. It was definitely a Monday.

The kind of Monday where you look at your life in calendar form and you say, "Oh, wait. There are way too many days in a week, but too little hours in a day."

Ever feel that way?  

If you have ever spent a lot of time with me, you probably know two things about me. (1) Is I am deathly afraid of talking in front of large groups, despite the fact that I am extrovert. I openly discuss my fear and I gladly make fun of myself for my stuttering and pointless ramblings that occur when I talk. And (2) That my dream job would consist of me motivating others and that my one wish in life is that I could be a motivational speaker.

Pause here for a funny motivational moment (or 5) brought to you by Saturday Night Live and the hilarious, Chris Farley.

Ok. Back to being serious.

I've been thinking a lot about motivation recently. What motivates someone? What keeps them motivated? How can I be there to motivate someone even if I don't exactly know everything about them?

I guess for me, I am motivated by people. I feed off people's energy. I feed off of light that radiates from the world we live in. And I very much want to be a source of light for others.

Don't get me wrong. I am not always motivated. In fact, I find myself being just the opposite on eerie days like today. Days when I am cooped up sending e-mails and watching as to-do lists turn into to-do books. It's totally easy to feel lost in a constant motion. You can feel like you're going through the motions, but having little to no feelings to go along with those motions.


A couple years ago, my dad sent me this poem and I often look at it as a source of motivation.

The Invitation
Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to
be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can
disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

The point of the poem is that the shell of our lives--the meaningless motions we go through each day-- aren't important compared to the part of our lives that consist of our passions and things we ache to accomplish within our lives.

We should make those achings--those passions-- the source of our motivation today and everyday. Easier said than done. But totally doable.

What's motivating me today? 

This video by a Kid-Co Captain:

Friends in the office today who can handle me being silly.

This song:

I wish you all motivating weeks!

Happy Monday,
Carrie

Being Present

I've been wanting to write this for a long time. Seriously, I have sat down at the end of every day this week and thought about this post. Not that it's going to be good, because, to be honest, it's a stream of consciousness. A flow of thoughts that might not really connect or make a whole lot of sense.

Ever since I was a little girl, I've lived my life at this gobble-up-before-it's-gone pace that's unrealistic and unfair. A look-ahead-and-never-really-be-in-the-present pace. When I was in high school, I was focused ahead to college. Where would I go? Where I would I fit in? It was all I thought about, especially my senior year when the pressure to make decisions consumed me. At the same time, I had so many passions outside of the classroom and so many distractions, that making that decision and taking the time to debate the pros and cons was impossible.

I've often been compared to a golden retriever puppy or the Energizer Bunny.  Unable to stop moving. Unable to relax. I have endless energy, especially when I am surrounded by people. Unable to be in the present.  Even at this very second, it's hard for me to be present because I'm getting e-mails galore and I'm pausing to respond. Or I am thinking about the next song that will play on Pandora. Being in the present, why, that's my biggest weakness.

Fast forward.  I've been a student at Carolina for four years. I've met hundreds of driven individuals who literally challenge me everyday to be the best I can be. I've consumed my liberal arts education that has challenged my brain everyday to think and see things a little bit differently. I've developed into an adult and thought about May 13th (graduation day) and my future every single day. It's back to that look-ahead-and never-be-in-the-present pace continued from childhood to college. And I'm not afraid to admit that it's my biggest regret and my biggest addiction. I can't slow down. Breathe. Enjoy.

I write about it all the time. Those a-ha moments where I am surrounded by people or friends who mean the world to me and I suddenly realize that that is one of those moments where being present is more than important.

I am sitting here thinking about it all because this weekend I have had several of those moments.

This weekend at the benefit reception, where people gave more generously than I could have ever imagined. During the live auction, people were asked to bid and give a donation. And it's beautiful how many people just.... donated. With no trip, autographed basketball, or tickets attached.

Photograph courtesy of UNC-DM

Photograph Courtesy of UNC-DM

Ben Farrell, the auctioneer, rocked.

The OC after the Benefit Reception

Today, I was supposed to take just a few minutes to go get ice cream and hang out with my friend, Shannon, and that conversation turned to hours of sitting and telling. Catching up about the endless aspects of our lives that have kept us from talking as often as we probably would like to. I totally put everything in my life on hold. And she did the same for me. Honestly, that was the best gift ever. Cheesy, I know, but true. We were both present. Nothing better.

Our first picture together Freshman year. It was supposed to show off our "pride tagz", but... ended up looking looney. Let's talk about why I thought it necessary to wear leg warmers? 

 

We've never been the best at pictures.

My friend, Colleen, turns 22 tomorrow. It's her golden birthday. I've missed her and can't wait to be with her and others tonight.

#typical

I'm not writing this to tell you that I am going to slow down. I am not saying that I am ever going to stop worrying about my future or a job for next year. I am writing in hopes of realizing to stay in the present more often, at least for the sake of my friendships and relationships.

Someone asked me yesterday how I had time to blog. And the answer is, I don't have time. No one has time to blog. But I make time because it helps me, if only for a few minutes, to be in the present. To think about things that have happened in the past few days and appreciate. And that's important.

Reflection is important.

Miss my boy.

Happy Birthday, sweet friend!

Learning to Love through Each Other

I love when the sun does a grand finale and seemingly sinks behind the ocean. 

I cannot even tell you how much I've missed the beach...

I was so excited when I found out that we would be having our Overall Committee Retreat at Atlantic Beach because not only is Atlantic Beach beautiful, but I also consider it home since I had many a-trip there growing up.

I got to spend the weekend with this bunch of crazy folks... 

Today marks one month until the marathon. Talk about absurd. How am I feeling about it? 

It's kind of like swan-diving into a crowd and you're a bit unsure if anyone will catch you. 

I'm so excited about the marathon. And yet, I am sad because this one month marks the beginning of the end. And I am unsure whether I can take it being over.

 We've spent hours working, e-mailing, staying up late to finish agendas, calendars, etc. We've planned events and raised money. (And still trying to reach goals).

 We've been silly. We've gained new friendships. We've learned to love through each other and through this organization.

 We're totally comfortable with calling each other out. I love that.

 So, I am going to enjoy.

And reflect on the beautiful parts of being apart of this Overall Committee. And getting to know these people the best I can. We have a driving passion. And we're proud to show it. 

Speaking of passion, my favorite blogger has done it again with her 2 for 2 fundraiser benefiting the National Down Syndrome Society, where I interned this summer. She is trying to raise $40,000 more dollars before her daughter's 2nd birthday. Literally, the most beautiful blog imaginable. And the most beautiful video imaginable. Check it all out. And donate! 

 

I made this video this summer to bring awareness for Down syndrome, if you want to learn more.

Also, Happy, Happy Birthday Nana! 

Until another day...