Being Present

I've been wanting to write this for a long time. Seriously, I have sat down at the end of every day this week and thought about this post. Not that it's going to be good, because, to be honest, it's a stream of consciousness. A flow of thoughts that might not really connect or make a whole lot of sense.

Ever since I was a little girl, I've lived my life at this gobble-up-before-it's-gone pace that's unrealistic and unfair. A look-ahead-and-never-really-be-in-the-present pace. When I was in high school, I was focused ahead to college. Where would I go? Where I would I fit in? It was all I thought about, especially my senior year when the pressure to make decisions consumed me. At the same time, I had so many passions outside of the classroom and so many distractions, that making that decision and taking the time to debate the pros and cons was impossible.

I've often been compared to a golden retriever puppy or the Energizer Bunny.  Unable to stop moving. Unable to relax. I have endless energy, especially when I am surrounded by people. Unable to be in the present.  Even at this very second, it's hard for me to be present because I'm getting e-mails galore and I'm pausing to respond. Or I am thinking about the next song that will play on Pandora. Being in the present, why, that's my biggest weakness.

Fast forward.  I've been a student at Carolina for four years. I've met hundreds of driven individuals who literally challenge me everyday to be the best I can be. I've consumed my liberal arts education that has challenged my brain everyday to think and see things a little bit differently. I've developed into an adult and thought about May 13th (graduation day) and my future every single day. It's back to that look-ahead-and never-be-in-the-present pace continued from childhood to college. And I'm not afraid to admit that it's my biggest regret and my biggest addiction. I can't slow down. Breathe. Enjoy.

I write about it all the time. Those a-ha moments where I am surrounded by people or friends who mean the world to me and I suddenly realize that that is one of those moments where being present is more than important.

I am sitting here thinking about it all because this weekend I have had several of those moments.

This weekend at the benefit reception, where people gave more generously than I could have ever imagined. During the live auction, people were asked to bid and give a donation. And it's beautiful how many people just.... donated. With no trip, autographed basketball, or tickets attached.

Photograph courtesy of UNC-DM

Photograph Courtesy of UNC-DM

Ben Farrell, the auctioneer, rocked.

The OC after the Benefit Reception

Today, I was supposed to take just a few minutes to go get ice cream and hang out with my friend, Shannon, and that conversation turned to hours of sitting and telling. Catching up about the endless aspects of our lives that have kept us from talking as often as we probably would like to. I totally put everything in my life on hold. And she did the same for me. Honestly, that was the best gift ever. Cheesy, I know, but true. We were both present. Nothing better.

Our first picture together Freshman year. It was supposed to show off our "pride tagz", but... ended up looking looney. Let's talk about why I thought it necessary to wear leg warmers? 

 

We've never been the best at pictures.

My friend, Colleen, turns 22 tomorrow. It's her golden birthday. I've missed her and can't wait to be with her and others tonight.

#typical

I'm not writing this to tell you that I am going to slow down. I am not saying that I am ever going to stop worrying about my future or a job for next year. I am writing in hopes of realizing to stay in the present more often, at least for the sake of my friendships and relationships.

Someone asked me yesterday how I had time to blog. And the answer is, I don't have time. No one has time to blog. But I make time because it helps me, if only for a few minutes, to be in the present. To think about things that have happened in the past few days and appreciate. And that's important.

Reflection is important.

Miss my boy.

Happy Birthday, sweet friend!