The Wants, The Needs, The Future

There's a cloudy haze around the moon tonight, but the humidity has finally left the air. Dogs bark and people still walk the beach. Some carry flashlights, although the darkness of night still hasn't completely arrived. It's peaceful. The ocean sounds are mixing with the howl of a strong wind. The entire day has been peaceful because the majority of it has been spent inside with the windows open, listening to the rain and sometimes, thunder.

The beach is crowded, as families attempt to fit in one last vacation before school starts. Speaking of schools, I said "goodbye" to good ol' Chapel Hill this week and moved out of my house. I carefully packed, putting half into my car to head to Greenville and the other half to be put into storage until ideas of future plans became realities.

It was a weird feeling to leave Chapel Hill. It had been my home for four years. Four wonderful (and sometimes stressful and sometimes looney, but mostly wonderful) years. I learned a lot at that University and within those city limits. And although I have been biting at the bit to leave and start a new chapter and life, it was bittersweet. I did attempt to eat at all of my favorite places before I left. Mission accomplished.

Moving is stressful and hard. It takes a lot out of you, so I have been thankful for this last day at the beach in our condo alone. I have applied for jobs, slept more than I probably should have and have eaten lots of good food great bowls of Cheerios. It's been....peaceful. I am a thinker and I thrive off of good quiet times where I can just be.

My thoughts have been here the last few days: 

I have all these "plans" for the future. I want to live in a big city. I want a job that is rewarding. I want an apartment to decorate. I want new friends that I can go out to eat and do activities with. I desperately want to travel around the world.  I want to go back to school. I want to learn how to do this...and be that...and meet this person.... and....and....the list goes on....and on. and on. Most importantly, I want structure. My life has never lacked structure.

It's been tricky because I've had to realize that those wants are not necessarily the easiest to achieve right away, but that doesn't mean they won't happen. AND on top of that, those plans don't just happen all at one time. Things have to fall into place, but you cannot snap your fingers and have it all right then and there (Although, Santa, come on Friend.... I'm not asking for much). 

I've been wanting to write this post for a while. The "I Want it All and I Want it All Now" post. I'm sure my parents are at home shaking their heads going, "We've been saying this about you all along." It's just.... I realize it, but I don't think it's a bad thing to want it all. It's what I've been waiting for all of college. I have always wanted to be older than I am and I am learning that although I am hating this limbo time in my life, I am learning a lesson-- somewhere in there. (I hate being taught lessons-- who invented those?) I'm not sure what that lesson is....

Okay, I do know... It's patience... Something I was never taught nor a gene I inherited.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Recently, a friend of mine asked me if I had read the book, Eat. Pray. Love. I kind of chuckled because I've probably read the book nine to twelve times and hear more references to it than I can count. I love Elizabeth Gilbert and I think she is people-smart and self-smart. More than anything, I see myself in her. That constant "ancy" feeling where I know I was put on this Earth for a specific reason and I just want to accomplish "it", but I am not sure what "it" is and I am not sure I know myself well enough to recognize "it" if "it" hit me in the head like a sack of flour.

 “There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.”-- Elizabeth Gilbert 

This same friend told me I needed to start channeling my inner Elizabeth Gilbert because she's been getting lost in the fine print of job searching.You start to participate in a lot of negative self talk.

“Some day you'll look back on this time as such a sweet time. Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend.”- Elizabeth Gilbert 

Writing has become harder and so has snapping photos. I feel like I have nothing "positive/good" to say, but I think that sometimes, there's more beauty in writing about what's not positive or good. I promise to do a better job of writing and snapping pics once I get to Greenville. And there's a Charleston trip on the horizon somewhere in there!

I'm off to go re-read Eat.Pray.Love.

Always,
Carrie

P.S. I wanted to share that my sister has started a store on Etsy. She is designing wreaths and you know I love her slogan, "Christmas all year round". Check out her store here.

The Weekend Catch-Up

I'm moving to Greenville, S.C. in a week or two to live with my cousin who has graciously offered to take in this job-hunt-frustrated gal. Here's to hoping that living closer to larger cities might aid in the search. I'm looking forward to hanging out in Greenville for a while. I'm able to keep my job at Loft, look for a job and enjoy the company of a cousin with the cozy mountain life only minutes away.



No one quite prepares you for after college. You go to school with dreams in your head and imagine yourself to be this or that. You study four years for that dream. You intern. You try your hand at it. You graduate. And then it gets hard. The lucky few automatically find their dream waiting for them as soon as they turn the tassel. The others are forced to wait, put that dream on hold and just hope that maybe someday they can do what they are passionate about. This has probably been the most difficult place I've ever been in. You want something so badly, but the economy and lack of jobs are just knocking you down over and over again. There needs to be a crash course in life after college before you graduate, so that you aren't blinded by the reality checks that quickly take over. And while everyone says, "Something will come about soon!" and "Stay positive!", it's a process I never wish on my worst enemy and a process of constant self-deprecation.



In the meantime (and on a more positive note), I've been catching up with friends.





I've been helping to improve some before and afters.





I've been enjoying some sunsets and learning about sailing.




 

And today, I am working on packing more into boxes, setting aside what I want for South Carolina versus what I want to put into a storage unit.

Always,
Carrie

Constant Adjustment

So another hiatus, I know. But do you really want to hear about me folding clothes at Loft or babysitting and playing The Game of Life a total of 5 times in a row? That's a snapshot of my last two weeks. It wasn't really until this week that I had something real to say, even though I've missed writing and this space so much.

This week has an added bonus of a sailing class. Cross that off my bucket list. I've learned tried my hand at sailing. Day one of sailing should have been recorded for Saturday Night Live. I'm talking, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.

"Sail 45 degrees away from the wind!" the instructors kept yelling from their motorized boat.

I took my index finger, wet it and held it up in the air, as if that would tell me the direction of the wind.

When seeing this ridiculous attempt at discovering the wind's direction, the instructor hopped on my boat. I needed extra assistance as now I was headed towards the snake-invested rocky side of the lake. I chalked it up to be a visual learner because as soon as I had a bit of extra help, I was sailing. Sort of.



"Sailing is just a constant adjustment. Pull the line. Move the tiller to the right or left. Tack when the time seems right to change directions," the instructor said.

Then it clicked.

The instructors had place buoys in the water and we were supposed to sail a figure 8 around them. However, I was proud to go in a straight line to and from the buoys.

Day two went a little bit better because there was not much wind. We were lucky when a little breeze was picked up by the sails. I had the hang of sailing today. My back throbs. My butt bone feels like it's been popped with a hammer. My skin is a bright shade of red. But it's been an amazing adventure and I am thrilled to have had the opportunity to take this class with my optimistic friend, Chancey.

The water is so relaxing. It gives me time to think. I really like this new "hobby". Thanks bucket list!

Always,
Carrie

Hiatus

The last ten days have been filled with long car rides and mixed CD's from friends whose songs have been purposefully chosen to make those long car rides seem short. From Charlotte to Myrtle Beach to Kinston to Chapel Hill, it's a good thing nothing beats a summer drive-- windows rolled down, air on high, music turned up. Especially this song. And this one.

I've been on a hiatus. Not just from blogging, but also from my normal, schedule-filled day. Nevertheless, the days and the summer are passing quickly.

I'm moving to Destination Unknown, USA after July 31st, so I'm slowly but surely packing books, pictures and school notebooks into tiny boxes I picked up from the local ABC store. They are all half full and stacked beside my dresser. My massive desk and nightstand both displaying just a single lamp and clock.

I escaped Chapel Hill for the week and made my way to the beach, where I soaked up a lot of sun and enjoyed my fair share of fireworks.



Because fireworks are legal in South Carolina, my sister and I decided to visit the fireworks store.



I had my heart set on sparklers.





And a big display over the ocean.




Finally, I spent a few minutes one night taking pictures of my cute little nephew. Most of them turning out like this:




Some are precious though.

Happy July, everyone!

Always,
Carrie