The beach is crowded, as families attempt to fit in one last vacation before school starts. Speaking of schools, I said "goodbye" to good ol' Chapel Hill this week and moved out of my house. I carefully packed, putting half into my car to head to Greenville and the other half to be put into storage until ideas of future plans became realities.
It was a weird feeling to leave Chapel Hill. It had been my home for four years. Four wonderful (and sometimes stressful and sometimes looney, but mostly wonderful) years. I learned a lot at that University and within those city limits. And although I have been biting at the bit to leave and start a new chapter and life, it was bittersweet. I did attempt to eat at all of my favorite places before I left. Mission accomplished.
Moving is stressful and hard. It takes a lot out of you, so I have been thankful for this last day at the beach in our condo alone. I have applied for jobs, slept more than I probably should have and have eaten lots of
My thoughts have been here the last few days:
I have all these "plans" for the future. I want to live in a big city. I want a job that is rewarding. I want an apartment to decorate. I want new friends that I can go out to eat and do activities with. I desperately want to travel around the world. I want to go back to school. I want to learn how to do this...and be that...and meet this person.... and....and....the list goes on....and on. and on. Most importantly, I want structure. My life has never lacked structure.
It's been tricky because I've had to realize that those wants are not necessarily the easiest to achieve right away, but that doesn't mean they won't happen. AND on top of that, those plans don't just happen all at one time. Things have to fall into place, but you cannot snap your fingers and have it all right then and there (Although, Santa, come on Friend.... I'm not asking for much).
I've been wanting to write this post for a while. The "I Want it All and I Want it All Now" post. I'm sure my parents are at home shaking their heads going, "We've been saying this about you all along." It's just.... I realize it, but I don't think it's a bad thing to want it all. It's what I've been waiting for all of college. I have always wanted to be older than I am and I am learning that although I am hating this limbo time in my life, I am learning a lesson-- somewhere in there. (I hate being taught lessons-- who invented those?) I'm not sure what that lesson is....
Okay, I do know... It's patience... Something I was never taught nor a gene I inherited.
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Recently, a friend of mine asked me if I had read the book, Eat. Pray. Love. I kind of chuckled because I've probably read the book nine to twelve times and hear more references to it than I can count. I love Elizabeth Gilbert and I think she is people-smart and self-smart. More than anything, I see myself in her. That constant "ancy" feeling where I know I was put on this Earth for a specific reason and I just want to accomplish "it", but I am not sure what "it" is and I am not sure I know myself well enough to recognize "it" if "it" hit me in the head like a sack of flour.
“There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things
do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I
interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with.
I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm
going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see
them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of
voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my
thoughts.”-- Elizabeth Gilbert
This same friend told me I needed to start channeling my inner Elizabeth Gilbert because she's been getting lost in the fine print of job searching.You start to participate in a lot of negative self talk.
“Some day you'll look back on this time as such a sweet time. Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend.”- Elizabeth Gilbert
Writing has become harder and so has snapping photos. I feel like I have nothing "positive/good" to say, but I think that sometimes, there's more beauty in writing about what's not positive or good. I promise to do a better job of writing and snapping pics once I get to Greenville. And there's a Charleston trip on the horizon somewhere in there!
I'm off to go re-read Eat.Pray.Love.
Always,
Carrie
P.S. I wanted to share that my sister has started a store on Etsy. She is designing wreaths and you know I love her slogan, "Christmas all year round". Check out her store here.
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